Sunday, August 9, 2026.
Hewo hewo my darlings!,, Sowy,, no star-gazing tonight, we have delayed that to Tuesday or Wednesday
cus apparently we will have a clearer view of the night sky on those days.
Today has been a day lightly diverse of activities, i played Minecraft, i made some exercise and
hitted a new record, spend some time giving some care to my body, watched a movie with my dad and
then i took Mei-Mei for a good walk. oh,, and now ig
im writting an entry,, though not with much enthusiasm i will admit.
I'm still a bit,, troubled
to say the least,, yes,, that's another way to say im still feeling lonely which sounds more and
more pathetic and annoying the more i repeat the same thing on every damn entry.
... i just,, i just feel so out of place, from this reality as a whole, i don't feel like i fit in
this world. I feel like i belong to a humble house,
located in a humble town, surrounded by a field of colorful flowers, where i am baking cookies,
spending time
with my pet Mei-Mei, learning about everyone's days, tenting to my garden, making a crown of flowers,
having some tea with people to come over my
house, making up stories and roleplaying with plushies, doing girly things without shame on
whatever age we have, going to the mall together, and all without leaving aside my love for playing videogames and watching
shows and anime and youtube videos,, without any room in my head for worrying about my worth to live.
This world in the other hand, is a dystopia with lots of violence to spare, massive rage, endless
problems, scarce solutions,
cruel wars, untrustworthy leaders, scummy and greedy
CEOs, soulless people that have no regarding for the physical safety of others, users from the
internet giving death threats to everyone like halloween candy, expressing hate on people with
particullar labels such as furries or transgender people, people with no shame that stomp bully
or/and mock those that
are too
different from the social standard (i've particullarly been a victim of this one..).
Snif,, wanna know something deeply personal about myself? Ashley isn't even my real name, i am not
even a real girl, i'm just a regular
human that was a male since birth, someone that simply choosed to be a boy at young age because
that's what i seemed to be and look like and what i automatically was awknologed to be, it all made
sense with no
reason to
oppose.
And then, much later in my life, i came to appreciate the small and beautiful things
that exist in
it, flowers, the color pink, cute japanse characters namely from Sanrio, just the serenne and
welcoming nature of
being a girl,,, i choosed that,, i certainly choosed to be a girl, but that wouldn't be something
welcomed everywhere, not
everyone would like that, because it would be too different, and plenty of people ask breaking
bounderies, judge,
question or directly express their dislike when others
find a way that's too original for them to be happy,, i heard of even severe cases of people that
are hunted or beaten up,, just,, because they were too brave to try to be free, to
show themselves how they want to
look like.. and this,, is the world in which i live, that i particullarly fear.. I am scared of
literally everything because its clear that in this world, not everything that's innocent
is welcome to exist.
(っ╥﹏╥ς) Is it really that difficult to live and let live? Can you see why i
feel so out of place?
Where are you, my soulmate,,, i am so lonely,, i want to meet you already,,
❤︎ Ashley.